Welcome to the cereal serial version of Octave of Stars! Episodes will release every Monday and Thursday. If you’re finding this story for the first time, be sure to start at Episode 01 for maximum comprehension, or check out The Index for all available Episodes.
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The screen of the small device turned black, then gray again. She couldn't tell what it was doing, at first. Table of Contents, that looked good. Down to the bottom, Mark, chapter eleven. Doing fine so far.
"Early in the morning," Cascadia read aloud, "as they were walking along, they saw the fig tree withered to its roots. Peter remembered and said to him, 'Rabbi, look! The fig tree that you cursed has withered.' Jesus said to them in reply, 'Have faith in God. Amen, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, "Be lifted up and thrown into the sea," and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it shall be done for him. Therefore I tell you, all that you ask for in prayer, believe that you will receive it and it shall be yours. When you stand to pray, forgive anyone against whom you have a grievance, so that your heavenly Father may in turn forgive you your transgressions.' The Word of the Lord." She crossed herself. "Thanks be to God."
Today is Sunday, at long last. I decided to have myself a little homebound Mass, but to do the Liturgy of the Word, first I needed the Word. I asked Juliet for a Bible, and she said she would find me something, but what I got was even better, in a way. It's an electronic book reader, with not only the Bible but a lot of other classic literature as well. You know, the kind I was doing analysis essays on just a few days ago. That was hard at first, but at least I have something to read again. It makes the hours go by. I remember seeing one of these gadgets at the store, but not being able to justify the expense since I already have so many books. The perils of the literate… I asked for a charger too, but she said it would last a few weeks. I pray that I don't see it run out… (Ellipses are fun, I should use them more often) Anyway, she must have heard about my shenanigans at the hotel since I didn't get a paper book with precious ink in it, and I'm writing with pencils again. Which is fine. Anyway anyway, I picked out first, second, and Gospel readings randomly, but of course they weren't random at all. Exodus 14, Acts 5. What are you telling me, God?
Sitting on the bed against the wall cross-legged as she was, Cascadia was able to reach over to the food tray at her feet. As before, they had given her bland broccoli and unseasoned tofu, but there were also a few slices of bread. She picked a piece of toast up and held it in front of her with her fingertips. "Please, Lord," she whispered. "I believe that You are present in the Most Holy Sacrament. I love You above all things, and I desire to receive You into my soul. Since I cannot at this moment receive You sacramentally, come at least spiritually into my heart. I embrace You as if You were already there and unite myself wholly to You. Never permit me to be separated from You. Amen."
She ate the bread, chewing it slowly, imploring God to bring Jesus to her through it. To receive some portion of grace, in whatever way He deemed fitting. Then she picked up her pencil.
I can't remember the last time I missed Mass. Probably when I had that bad flu, though I went to daily Mass on campus after I felt better. I think I have a legitimate excuse, too, being kidnapped and imprisoned. Though I can't get complacent. How to relax on the Sabbath when I can't relax at all?
That last reading was a doozy. Is that how you spell doozy? Is it doozie? Maybe there's a dictionary on the e-book reader… Nope, it's doozy. Yay for reading! Anyway, forgiveness. I've been thinking about that a lot lately. And, honestly it seems impossible. How am I supposed to forgive someone like Frost and his goons? I can't just ignore it, either. It's Jesus' command, it shows up in so many places in the Gospels, and even in the Lord's Prayer itself.
Actually, I think it would be easiest to forgive the creepy guard. I think his name is Yin, if I'm spelling it right. I've had the least interaction with him, but despite that I can tell he just seems so wrapped up in worldly things. Lost and confused, it looks like. He seems impulsive, acting without thinking. I understand that. So… God, I forgive Yin, the Metal Star for his transgressions against me. May he find peace and security in Your Will. Amen.
As far as Rand, I know he's tried to be vulnerable and open up to me and things, but that doesn't make up for anything he's done to me. If he was really sorry he would let me go, so I'm not entirely ready to write this one off yet. God, please grant me the peace and grace to forgive Rand Stonearm.
Okay, now the hardest one. How to forgive a monster like Drake Frost?
Well, that's it, isn't it? He's not a monster at all, he's a human being just like me, in fact we have a lot more in common than most other people do. Especially the eyes. I noticed his eyes are the same color as mine, only a different shade. His are much darker. And Rand and his partner's eyes are the same way, one hue with different intensities. I wonder if that means something… There must be some kind of pain in his past that's causing him to want to hurt others. Hurt people hurt people, right? I doubt I'll be able to have a heart-to-heart with him and uncover his past emotional wounds and save the day, but knowing that something like it exists does help.
God, I can't forgive Drake Frost right now. He's done too much to hurt me, and those close to me. Please, help me to see him as a child of Yours and not my mortal enemy. Please help me to be like Saint Maria Goretti, as she forgave someone who took her very life and brought him back to You.
Now what about my side of the river? There's two parts to the commandment. I know I'm not perfect, since I'm still alive. I know I let myself get distracted really easily. I know I forget about commitments. I don't call my parents and Aidan as often as I should. I speak unkindly to Ash when he doesn't do things the way I like them done. Sometimes I feel resentful against other students who get better grades, and against the girls in my critique group who have better material than me. I let myself get annoyed at helping Gabrielle instead of being charitable like I should. I always forget to give to the collection at church or donate to charities.
Cascadia sat on the bed, trying to think of more personal faults and shortcomings, but found herself starting to feel shame instead of healthy guilt. She took some deep breaths and crossed the room for her water ration, then came back to the bed. Flipping to a blank notebook page, she decided to change to a different topic. Still difficult, but in some ways better. Dear Ash, she wrote.
I miss you. I have been lonely for so long, yet not alone. That morning when I got off the bus, I never thought that this would be the only way for us to communicate. Me, writing letters that you might never read, while shut up in a cell that is slowly drying me out. My heart aches to be free, to be with you. I want to see the sky, and share sunsets with you. I want to watch movies and eat curry and walk to Mass and have our life back.
It also seems like we are both possessed of the desire to make this happen. I tried to escape from where I was first being held, which was apparently in a hotel, and you tried to get me out as well. I don't want to worry about questions and possibilities. I know in my heart that it was you. Apparently you found friends to help you, which I'm so glad for. I want to meet them, and thank them. I want to let you all know how much I appreciate everything you've done for me.
This is a strange and difficult journey, to be certain. I don't know where God is taking us through all of this, but He must be able to bring about some good because of it. I pray that this will help us know his will for us more clearly.
—Love, Cascadia
She stared down at the paper. She couldn't remember ever signing a note to him like that, she usually just wrote -Cas or even -C. But she didn't flip the pencil over and correct it. It needed no correction.
She had been writing in her usual mode of letting her thoughts and feelings come out one by one, without filtering or judging them first. Seeing that on paper made it so much more real, more correct, than it had ever been. She had told Rand that Ash was the most real thing she had, and it hadn't been desperate hysterics. He was her companion, her confidante. Her partner. She flipped to a new page and continued letting her feelings out.
Ash has always been there for me. Ever since the day that I put out his shed fire. By that afternoon we had shared our stories, and the next day at school we were talking at lunch and he walked me home. That became a daily occurrence, despite all my friends giving me such a hard time about having a criminal for a boyfriend. But he wasn't that. My boyfriend, I mean. He was definitely a criminal.
I remember he wanted to come with us to Mass every week, since his family never went and he couldn't get to the church on his own. Those were the days, the three of us in the backseat of the car every Sunday morning, Aidan making sure Ash understood the homily. I just liked to listen to them talk. When we graduated, I got to see some of his family. I could tell they couldn't figure out why he was hanging out with someone like me, but I didn't care. Neither did he.
I remember the time after I moved out, even though we had agreed to try to do things separately, we ended up talking almost every day. When he decided to go to school, I was so excited, and then when the studio next to me opened up, I was even more so. And that was nothing compared to when he actually moved in! We could keep looking out for one another just like we wanted. When I got sick, he ran across the street to the drugstore. I went over to the market for any ingredients he was missing for his latest recipe. Which we ate together, which he cooked for me. He's always given me so much, and I've tried to give as much as I can in return. Especially with our current agreement about discernment. One of the reasons I wanted to do it is because I knew he would be willing to wait, and not push things.
I know it's been hard for him, the whole not-dating thing. I've seen him look at me a couple of times, and the way he did it, I seriously thought about changing plans myself. Our attraction to each other has never been a question. I know he thinks I'm pretty, and he's nothing to complain about either, especially with that goatee he's been trying out. But there's so much more to us than that, and the fact that he's willing to honor that makes me love him so much more.
I don't think I ever really told him, but one of the reasons I dress like a more fundamental type of Christian is for him. I want to be a blessing to him, and to every other guy I meet. And girl too, hopefully I can inspire them to take care of their own Temples of the Holy Spirit. Like that time the little girl at the pool asked me about my bathing suit, why it had a skirt and covered me up so much. Maybe she'll take it to heart that she's worth it. (That was the time I scared the poor lifeguard to death because I forgot that most people can't stay underwater for more than five minutes! That was fun, but also sad.)
Where was I going with this? Right, Ash. I want him to know that I'm waiting for him. There have just been so many signs, so many signal graces throughout our entire relationship, from the very beginning. God gave us our talents because He knew we would put them to good use, and also because He knew they would bring us together. We may be opposites, but I think that makes us even better. Neither of us are perfect, he can be moody and fussy and insecure sometimes, and he's not very good with money. But who am I to talk? I can't remember half of what I need to do every day and I spend hours reading instead of doing homework. But he still loves me. And I still love him.
She flipped a page back to the end of her letter. She remembered the other way she used to sign notes to him, as far back as high school. It would be harder to do with just a pencil, but she gave it her best. She drew a heart, then divided it down the middle. On the left side she penciled in flames emanating from the top and sides, and on the right she illustrated the reflections of water and little drops falling off the edge. They looked a little like tears, but if they were, they were definitely happy tears. Hopeful ones.
Octave of Stars is currently airing on Substack for free, with two of the 45 total posts per week. It’ll be fully released at the end of April 2024. If you don’t want to wait that long, you can get the entire story right now, in either Ebook or paperback. Every purchase supports the ZMT Books mission of family-friendly entertainment.
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